I always felt I was very lucky to have my Mom be my Mom. I always knew she loved me and wanted the best for me. She didn’t work outside the house when I was growing up and it was always nice to come home from school and have her there. She was my room mother at school several years and always involved with volunteering at school and church and playing cards with her friends. I thought she was very pretty and I was always very proud when she came to school. She was always up on the latest fashions. Every Sunday afternoon she’d and I’d go to the grocery store my Dad owned and do the weekly shopping. I loved that weekly trip. My Dad was a diabetic so Mom made three big meals a day, that kept her very busy. We did have our conflicts when I was a young teenager. I have the type of personality that always questions things and wants to know why. My older sister always wanted to please and just did what she was told. So I presented a challenge for my Mom, my sweet Dad had many a talk with me about how I needed to respect Mom and do what she told me. In the end I knew they were right. She has been a great role model for me in how to be a good Mom.
Mary Lou
My mom was a complicated person. Her mother left her father and brother when she was a young child. Her role models for what a mother should be was very limited. She was raised by her father and a long succession of house keepers. She basically raised her younger brother and herself while her father created and ran a series of fast food counters.
My mother was very aware of what a family should be and worked hard to accomplish this. She was very concerned about what the neighbors or other people might think. She was very strict with the four of us children. We were to stay within certain guidelines which were very explicit. She was also a very organized person, unlike myself. We had a set of chores we were to accomplish each day/week. She had a checklist for each of us with places to put checks when we were finished with each task. Our weekly allowance was based on our performance in accomplishing our tasks. Our tasks were divided among us by age and sex. My older sister, Donna, had to fold laundry and other “girl” duties. I had to mow the lawn and weed and trim the flower beds. My younger sister, Jane, and brother, Grant, also had gender and age appropriate tasks. We also rotated certain duties amongst us such as dish washing, dish drying, cleaning toilets, and other undesirable duties. Also on the list of chores was teeth brushing and showers.
When we misbehaved, we often had to get a spanking. My mom would spank us when we were younger, but as we got older, it got to be a joke. I remember trying to yell out in mock pain as she tried to spank me with a yard stick which eventually broke. At this point, when we misbehaved, she would send us to our room and tell us to wait until our father came home. I remember one time when I was sent to my room to wait. My dad finally came home. I could hear my mom telling my dad of my misdeed. They were in the living room and I was in my room at the end of a hall. After their conversation, my father came down that long hall and entered my room. We had a frank discussion about what I had done and how that wasn’t acceptable. He then told me to wait until he went to the garage and built a spanking paddle. That was pure torture, listening to each stroke of the wooden saw. He might of even sanded the edges. By the time he re-entered my room for the actual spanking, I was a total mess. It only took a couple of swats to get the message across.
I never experienced unconditional love from my mother. She may have had it for me, but I never felt it. My mom’s affections were always contingent on my proper behavior. Luckily, I got to experience unconditional love from my grandma. She seemed to always love me no matter what I did. I can’t put my finger on a specific incident were I felt this or even was aware of its existence. When reading of unconditional love as an adult, I realized that I experienced it with my dad’s mom. I have luckily learned that the only way to love is unconditionally. Love is something that you let out freely, not to be kept locked up inside and doled out when something is wanted.
As I stated at the beginning, my mom is a complicated person. I have to forgive her for some of her failings as a mother on her unusual upbringing. She was a wonderful “mother” to her younger brother, who she was able to give unconditional love. She wanted so much to have the perfect family, and to outside appearances, we were that perfect family. Once each of us became older and started to assert our own individuality, we had conflicts with her. We each had to come to terms with our strong-willed mother. Although I have a hard time forgiving her for the way she treated my wife, Mary Lou, as we were establishing our family, I can’t fault her too much, because I like the way I turned out.
Brian
Swagerty-Aldrich Family Web Site 