The person I was at 13 was a much different person at 19. I probably grew more as a person during those seven years than I did during any other seven-year period in my life.
At 13, I was extremely self-conscience and had a very low self-esteem. As an example, my freshman yearbook has no signatures in it. I got it a day late, and then I didn’t want to ask anyone to sign it, because I didn’t want them to notice that they were the first one to do so. No one approached me to sign theirs, so I now have a blank yearbook. Those were an awful three days of trying to disappear and avoid being embarrassed.
Seventh, eighth, and ninth grade were the most miserable times in my life. They were the most valuable and lesson-learning times as well. I was always a well-liked kid growing up in elementary school. I was athletic and easy-going and had lots of friends. I didn’t think too much about relationships or how my actions affected other people. In sixth grade I actually bullied the kid who sat in front of me in class. I didn’t think too much about what I was doing to poor Jack, but I enjoyed lording my power over him. We attended a small K-6 grade school. The next year, all of the small and large K-6 schools merged into one very large 7th-8th grade school. This senior elementary school then fed into the single 9-12 high school. In sixth grade, I was one of the tallest and fastest kids in my class. However, many of my classmates started to grow pubic hair and by the end of the eighth grade, I was still under 100 pounds and was chosen in PE class to run in the “small-man relay.” I also wanted so bad to have Levi’s jeans, white socks, and a double-pleated corduroy coat, like all of the popular kids. However, all I managed was a pair of Sears jeans, red socks, and black horn-rimmed glasses. I went from being a big bully and king of a small pond to being the one who got bullied in the big vast ocean. It was the worst and best thing that ever happened to me.
In the spring of my freshman year in high school, I joined the swim team. I had been swimming AAU since I was eight years old, so I was one of the fastest on the team. I started to come out of my shell and made some friends and started to gain a little self-confidence. Our swim coach also invited some of us to play water polo on a regional water polo team.
I turned sixteen on January 2, of my sophomore year, and I had my driver’s license, a car, and my freedom by the 3rd of January. My junior year, I had a strong group of friends and my self-confidence was starting to develop. I started dating once I had my license. I also started working in the men’s department of a department store in the brand new shopping mall.
I had a fun time my junior and senior years of high school. I was a leader of the water polo and the swim teams. Our teams were doing well, and the football team wasn’t winning. We felt our popularity in school went up when we were able to get the cheerleaders to come cheer at our packed water polo games. We went undefeated during my junior and senior years, the first two years of the program.
The fun and self-confidence continued to grow as I went to college. I left Stockton and attended Southern Oregon College in Ashland. I remember during my car ride from Stockton to Ashland for the first time. I realized that I could be anyone I chose to be. I didn’t have to be shy and self-conscience. I could shed that shell. I decided to put myself out there…just be me. It was easy to make friends. I was recruited to be on the swim team, and the coach had arranged to have all of his freshman swimmers live together on the same dorm floor. It was nice to have a built-in group of friends already assembled.
As is probably typical, I went through a lot of changes during my teenage years. I evolved from a broken and bullied victim who avoided human contact and kept his gaze to the ground, to being a confident leader who looked forward to meeting new people and situations. I carry both versions of myself within me. When I catch myself being that reclusive thirteen-year-old, I try to shake it off with a vision of being the confident nineteen-year-old.
Brian
What was I like as a teenager? This is kind of a hard question to answer because I think I changed a lot from the person I was at 13 to the person I was at 19. I had certain things happen in my life that I think helped me to be who I am. When I was in the 6th grade a couple of traumatic events happened in my life. These events started to shape my life into the person I was to become. My 5th grade teacher who I loved and adored died in a traffic accident. I remember walking around and around my yard questioning God. That made me question life, the existence of god and realize how unfair life can be.
I belonged to a youth group at my (Methodist) church. We went on a weekend trip to Suttle Lake in the Willamette mountains in the winter. Being from the coast I was excited to be in the snow. Several other youth groups were there at the same time. They had lots of activities planned for us to do. One of the activities was to hike around the lake. That sounded like fun to me so off we went. I think there were 6 or 7 of us plus three adult men. It started out ok but after awhile we were walking in knee deep unplowed snow. We got about 1/2 way around the lake and it was starting to get dark. The adults with us decided this wasn’t going to work because we were all very tired and cold and slow and they weren’t sure where we were. So one of the men left on his own, made it to a road, flagged someone down to give him a ride back to the camp at Suttle Lake. Once there he got snowshoes and flashlights for all of us. He then drove back as near as he could to us and eventually arrived with the snowshoes and flashlights. We just hunkered down and stayed where we were until he returned. We had a blanket to sit on. I remember putting on the snow shoes and figuring how to walk with them. The key was to take big steps. Most of the others had trouble with the snow shoes. Once I figured them out, I was off. I was the first to arrive back on the road and at the car. I was surprised at the energy I suddenly had. I found I have a big desire for survival and that I can count on myself to be ok.
I was very quiet, shy and naive when I was a teenager. I didn’t have close girlfriends for most of my high school years. I’d had several girlfriends in the lower grades but in high school everyone seemed to find someone else to relate to and be with. I really couldn’t relate with any of the groups. I remember walking around school by myself trying to look like I was busy and going somewhere., busy with something. Finally when I was a junior a new girl moved to Toledo. We became best friends and she was very popular. That helped to make me and my classmates see things in a new light. I started feeling better about myself, now I had a friend to do things with.
I never knew what to say around boys, I felt very intimidated. My dad was the only boy I was ever around. He wasn’t around much because he worked all of the time. so boys were always a mystery to me. I used to blush a lot. That made me very self-conscious. There was a weekly teenage dance in Toledo. I went to the teenage dance a couple times and dances at the high school a few times. No one ever asked me to dance. This was when guys had to ask girls to dance, girls didn’t do the asking. I’m sure I wouldn’t have anyway. That didn’t help my self esteem. I thought I’d never have a boyfriend or get married. When I was a senior my best friend, my sister and I would go to dances in nearby Newport. There, no one knew me and I got asked to dance a lot. That was so nice and helped me to gain confidence and feel better about myself.
I learned how to cook, bake, sew and knit from taking 4-H. I loved doing all of those things. I also took an oil painting class in the 6th grade and loved it. I kept painting through out high school. I sewed most of my clothes from the 6th grade on. It was fun to get the material and patterns and sew them in the summer while school was out. I got 1st place for the cake I baked in 4-H at the Lincoln County Fair one summer and got to enter my cake in the State Fair. I liked to keep busy and have something to do. I also remember reading lots of books and magazines and going to the beach a lot in the summer. I started working when I was 16 to save money for college. I sewed head scarfs and tried to sell them at my Dad’s grocery store. One summer I stayed with my grandma and worked in a nearby strawberry cannery.
My family would go to Fort Stevens to camp for two weeks for our vacation every summer. My sister and I had lots of fun walking around the campgrounds and the nearby town of Seaside. We made lots of friends with the other teenagers. The summer before my senior year my Dad and I were at the beach at the Peter Iredale. I decided to go jump the waves. As I got closer to the water I noticed a man out beyond the waves calling for help. There was an overturned rowboat type boat out in the waves with him. I started to go towards him to help him out of the water but soon realized that would not be a good idea. We would probably both drown. I ran back to let Dad know what was going on. Dad went to stand by the beach (Dad couldn’t swim) and keep his eye on the man and I ran down the beach to find help. I had my drivers license by then, so the plan was to get back to the parking lot and the car and drive to the ranger station for help. As I got near to the parking lot I spotted the park rangers coming down the beach in their truck. I was able to stop them and let them know about the guy needing help. They were able to rescue him but his companion didn’t make it. It was a great feeling to help save a life. My Mom said she thought this event changed me. I think it helped me to see how quickly life can change and helped me to appreciate what I have.
I’m not sure this really explains what I was like as a teenager. I think these different events that happened in my life help to shape me into the person I have become.
Mary Lou
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