May 16, 1970, was a bright blue gorgeous day in Toledo, Oregon. It was my wedding day! First up, I had an appointment at the local beauty salon to get my hair done in a special way. I went to my appointment and the beautician put my hair up in curlers and chatted about a wedding she’d heard of where they’d taken so long working on the bride’s hair that she was late for her own wedding, how horrible. I went home with the curlers still in my hair waiting for it to dry. I came back at 4:00 to have the curlers taken out and my hair styled. The beautician was working on someone else, and so I waited and waited for her to work on my hair. I become more and more nervous about the time going by. She finally got to me and styled my hair, but I hated how it made me look. It was not how I wanted to look at all! I was very upset but there wasn’t much I could do but just go with my new look. it was getting late and close to the time of my wedding. The story the beautician had told me earlier was coming true for me!
When I arrived home from my appointment, I was surprised to see both sides of the street where my house was, lined with cars. I’d never seen so many cars parked there before, no one ever parked there because there really wasn’t any room. There were girls I’d never seen before hanging out of and yelling from the upstairs windows. They turned out to be friends of Jack’s, one of Brian’s groomsmen. They were in my bedroom were I’d planned to get ready. Our house was filled with out-of-town guests and relatives that I hardly ever saw or knew. It seemed rude not to visit a minute with them, so I did a little bit anyway. I was getting more and more nervous about the wedding and getting there in time. I finally arrived at the church around 7:00, that was the time the wedding was suppose to start. There were problems to attend to and I still had to get into my wedding dress. I had asked my best friend from high school, Arlene, to be at the table were the guests sign in to make sure everyone did. She hadn’t arrived yet. A childhood friend of mine, Suzanne and her Mom, had been there early decorating the church. They were filling in for Arlene, thank goodness.
Walking down the aisle on my Dad’s arm, I remember being overwhelmed with all the people there and seeing all of the familiar smiling faces. I was nervous and overwhelmed that I knew everyone there, except maybe those friend’s of Jacks. We’d met with the minister who was to marry us and we’d requested that he do a reading on marriage that we both liked from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran. It was a reading about how we were two separate souls and we need to each be allowed to be ourself even though we would be married. We even provided him a copy. The minister completely disregarded our request. Well, I guess he didn’t completely disregard our request. He read “How do I Love Thee” by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. I have always hated that poem, I find it to be very depressing because Elizabeth wrote it knowing either she or her husband were dying and they didn’t have long to be together. I sure didn’t want it read at my wedding.
Brian’s best man, Rick O’Toole, drove Brian and me to our reception in Newport. He drove us up and down some of the streets of Toledo honking his horn with others doing the same following behind. It was a lot of fun. We went by my Dad’s grocery store, Snyder’s Market, on our way to Newport. On the marque in front of the store, the store employees had put “Congratulations Mary Lou and Brian”. That was very special to see.
Out reception was held at the Dunes Motel in Newport. The reception room had a great view overlooking the beach and the ocean. It had a huge wall of windows. We had drinks and hor’devours that were catered by the Dunes restaurant. I don’t really remember eating anything. I remember the reception line and talking to lots of people and introducing Brian.
It was time to cut the cake. I always thought it was so romantic, the bride and groom feeding each other the cake. I looked forward to when I would get married and got to experience that. I was first to cut the cake and offer Brian a bite. I went to take a bite when Brian was offering me the cake and he smashed it in my face. I never knew that that was a thing and people did that. Why? It was horrible and not fun or funny. I was not happy. I’m still not over that happening to me.
When it came time to throw the garter I wanted to get it back for a keepsake. I’d seen it done like that before at other weddings I’d been to. Brian insisted that I let it go. I complained to my poor Mom about Brian doing this while she was sitting next to and visiting with a good friend. I feel very embarrassed about doing that to this day.
It was finally time to leave and we changed into our going away clothes. They threw rice on us as we hurried to my parent’s car. My parents were lending us their car to go on our honeymoon. Our friends had decorated it with shaving cream and cans tied to the back. The first thing Brian did was drive to a nearby service station with a car wash and wash it all off. I had thought it was kind of neat letting everyone know we were just married. It was probably a good thing he did that though, because the “just married” words never faded too much from Mom and Dad’s car.
I was never the type of person to dream or think about what my wedding would be like, but I never expected it to be like this. In thinking back I think communication is key to a good marriage. We had a lot to learn about communicating with one another. We’re doing a lot better now.
Mary Lou
The day of my wedding was one of the best days of my life. It started out with a steak and eggs breakfast with some of my best friends. After breakfast, some of us went to the beach. It was an extremely low tide which exposed rocks and shells that had been underwater for decades. I still have a jar of smooth pebbles I picked from the floor of the newly exposed sea bottom. I remember the day being very relaxed and slow-paced. I woke up late, had a leisurely breakfast, visited my folks at their motel room for a moment, and then spent the day on the beach. The wedding wasn’t until 7:00 PM, so I felt I had a lot of time, and few responsibilities. Several of my friends from Ashland and my best friend from high school were all there to have fun with.
All of this was happening in Newport, Oregon, which is six miles from Toledo, Oregon, which is where the wedding was held. I stayed the previous night at the hotel where the wedding reception was to be in Newport. I stayed away from Toledo, until I needed to be there, which was just before the ceremony. After all, I wasn’t supposed to see the bride before the wedding. I was surprised when people were so relieved when I showed up at the church. Of course they had good reason to worry, as I had arrived from Ashland an hour late for the rehearsal and dinner the previous night.
I first saw Mary Lou that day when she walked down the aisle with her dad. She was beautiful! Things had been perfect, for me, up to that point. During the ceremony, the first cracks started to appear in the “perfect day.”
We were pretty young and naive, even though we thought we were quite grown up and had things figured out at 21 years old. We were married in the United Methodist Church where Mary Lou and her family attended. We were married by the current minister. We met with him before-hand to plan the ceremony. We wanted him to read a passage from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran. We gave him a copy for him to read. We should have known that this conservative Methodist minister would have a problem with reading something from Kahlil Gibran. Mary Lou was aghast when he read instead “How Do I Love Thee?” by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. She really doesn’t like that poem, and she especially didn’t want it read at her wedding! That was the first hiccup of the day for me. It was just another thing gone wrong for Mary Lou on her wedding day. Unfortunately, it wasn’t the last.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but Mary Lou was having a horrible bad day, where everything was going wrong! Her wedding day was nothing like what she thought it would be like. Of course, I was clueless and no help! I just added to it. We had the wedding reception in a conference room at a resort hotel in Newport. I really didn’t know what weddings were like, but of course, I thought I knew what they were supposed to be like. At every wedding I remember going to, which wasn’t very many, the groom did certain things. He was to take the garter off the bride’s leg and throw it into a crowd of eligible bachelors. He was to greet all of the guests in a reception line. He was to pay the minister after the ceremony. And, when the bride and groom exchanged bites from the cake, the groom was to smoosh the piece of cake into the bride’s face. This is what I thought. My best man, Rick, also thought this was tradition, so it must be true. Well, I didn’t know that Mary Lou thought the cake exchange was one of the most romantic moments in life you can have. The bride feeding the groom, the groom feeding the bride. It represented a new trust and a new relationship. I was clueless. I was relieved that she hadn’t smooshed her cake into my face. I was now open to do the deed. It was the crowning blow to Mary Lou’s awful day! I still cannot live this event down to this day. She had never seen or heard of such a thing before, and whenever she is reminded of this event, I am doomed to the dog house for a good period of time. I wish we had talked about some of our expectations beforehand. It is amazing that we are still married after more than fifty years.
I have suggested to Mary Lou, over the years, that we get married again. I thought it would be fun to redo our ceremony at our twenty-fifth or fiftieth wedding anniversary. It would be nice to have a ceremony that we both wanted, and it would help to erase the memory of what actually occurred that day. However, Mary Lou won’t have it. I don’t think she wants to relive that day. I don’t blame her, and I guess it is best to let it rest.
Brian
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