Observer vs Participant

by Donna Swagerty Shreve

My family has been good about taking pictures at various events over the years. Fortunately for me, I have quite a collection of pictures and video of family gatherings throughout the years. One particular  family gathering stands out as a prime example of when I became so involved in the actual happening that I forgot to record most of it.

My father’s family had not had an excuse to gather for several years. When the wedding invitation was sent via the cousin network, quite a few relatives ventured out of California up to Whidbey Island in the state of Washington. Darrellyn, daughter of Darrell, had her oldest son Luke getting married. She sent out an informal invitation to the family not expecting many, if any, to show up. Two of my father’s siblings had passed on including my father. Maybe it was the urgency of time running out that propelled us northward.

Cousin Nancy, daughter of Elsie who had recently passed, arrived with her father Harry. Elsie had written a diary and instructed Nancy to type up the last chapter and make a copy for each brother. Nancy handed out her mother’s diary to her uncles and I remember oldest brother Clem dissolving into tears when he realized what a gift he had been given.

One major event I remember from the wedding was Uncle Darrell pushing his wife Nilma down the aisle to preferred seating.. It brought tears to my eyes as Nilma was no longer able to navigate without the wheel chair. The reception after the wedding was a wonderful mix of generations and friends and family dancing and eating. Toasts were made and many toasts were directed to Darrell, the grandfather of the groom and obvious well established head patriarch. Uncle Clem made sure everyone danced and we got to be pulled and pushed in all directions until the music was over.

The next morning Darrellyn invited family over to her backyard for a brunch. Tables were covered with an endless supply of food. Games were set up for the younger crowd such as ping pong. The oldest generation gathered around a large table and began remembering the “good ole days.” Darrell and Clem were holding court with their stories that involved many at the table. Harry, the husband of their older sister Elsie, joined in. Also at the table were Nilma with her sister and brother, all now in wheel chairs, who knew all of the Swagerty brothers from previous get togethers. 

Always one to hear a family story, I stood near the table to listen. Soon with me were various cousins in my generation to hear the tales and discussions. I had a video camera with me that had to be held usually on one’s shoulder to support its weight. I started recording this recalling of past events that ended up being over an hour. I soon realized a third layer had joined the group as Aaron, my son, became spell bound. He was joined with others maybe out of curiosity but the old folks became the main entertainment.

Later I got my VCR tape and watched what I had recorded. I was sure I had video taped at least an hour or more. I was shocked when I discovered I only got about 12 minutes on tape. Being so caught up in the magic of the moment I did not disengage enough to actually record somewhere else besides in my memory. The images were so clear I was convinced I watched them several times.

Years later Darrellyn reached out to me to see if I would share a copy of the video with her. She was so busy being the host, that she missed so many of the conversations happening right in her backyard . I sent the pitiful 12 minute video and wished I had filmed much more. My memories are there but time fades the sharp edges. The next best thing I can do is to share my memories in writings.

678 words

D. Shreve

7/6/21