What do you think are the secrets to a happy relationship?, Storyworth question, 914 words

The first and foremost tenet of a good relationship is to realize that you are a part of a couple. You no longer have just yourself to be concerned about, you have your spouse as well. You should always be a good wingman and have your partner’s back, no matter what. You might not agree with your spouse’s actions or decision at the time, but it is important to back them in their decision at the moment. It must be your default position. You always have your wife’s side, if there is a side to have. You can aways have a discussion with her later if you have concerns, but in the moment, you are on the same side. You reflect on her, and she reflects on you. It is a basic law of nature. Without this, you are just two people who live together.

A strong relationship is built on honesty and trust. It is not healthy to keep secrets from your spouse. If you have done something that you want to keep from your spouse, it is best to get it into the open as soon as possible. The longer it stays secret, the longer it festers and evolves into something bigger. Problems are always best to deal with in the early stages before they morph into greater problems. A secret has tension associated with it. That is why the truth almost always eventually comes out. It is best to own up to a mistake and apologize for your behavior before it becomes something else.

It is also important to be committed to your partner. When you got married, you made a big commitment to be there for your spouse. This is a lifetime commitment and one that should not be taken lightly. There will be times when you will be upset with your spouse, and you will want nothing to do with her. That is when other women start to look especially appealing. This is the time you need to remember that these are natural feelings, but they are feelings that must never be given in to. It is your love and commitment that will get you through these hard times. Communication is the key to resolving any conflict. It is so important to not ignore a problem, hoping it will just resolve itself and go away. An unresolved problem will always come back until it is resolved. It is best to face the problem head-on and get some sort of resolution. It may involve a compromise or it may just involve accepting a situation without resentment. It is important to remember that love and commitment get you through the rough spots. Expect that there will be rough spots and know you can get through them.

Mary Lou and I have been married for over fifty-one years. We are not masters of relationships, and we are still working on ours. Marriage is hard work, but it is well worth the effort. It is so special to have someone who has been with you while going through and sharing all of our major life events. It is comforting to know that I have someone there to help me if I have the need, and that I am someone who she can count on if she needs help.

Brian

I’ve been thinking of the secrets to a happy  relationship. I’m not really sure what the secret is, but I have a few ideas.

I think if you truly love someone, you try to do the things that you know will make the other one happy.  You try to let the other person be who they are and you don’t try to change them.  You have to let each other be independent and not try to control each others behavior.  Let each other do what they like to do.  You need to treat each other like you would like to be treated.

You have to be understanding of what your partner is going through, whatever it is, and try to support them.  Don’t forget to be a friend.  You started out as friends so don’t forget to still be one.  Support each other in whatever they are attempting to do.  Seeing your partner happy makes you happy, too.

I think it is important to listen to one another.  It’s important to talk with each other and communicate.  Make a point of sitting down together and talking with each other every day. Let each other know what is going on in your life and what you’re thinking.

You also have to be honest with each other.  You have to be able to trust what your partner is saying. 

I think forgiveness plays a big part in a happy relationship.  You have to forgive and forget over and over again.  Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes.  It doesn’t help to be upset with each other or hold a grudge, so you might as well get over it.

Spending time together doing things that you both enjoy is also important.  I also feel sex is important in a happy relationship.  Being intimate helps to keep you close.  

Having patience with each other is another critical ingredient in a happy relationship.  I could probably go on and on.   I’m sure I don’t know all of the answers, but  after 51 years of marriage these are some of the things I’ve learned.

Mary Lou