Raising children is very rewarding but it also has lots of challenges. I’m not sure what the best advise is in raising children, but these are some of the things that I think are important.
Don’t forget what it is like to be a child. Remember when you were young and how you felt about things. I remember when I was growing up I told myself I’m never going to forget what it is like to be young. The problems I was working through were just as important to me, I thought, as the problems my parents were working through. In reality they weren’t as important, but to me as a youngster my problems were important, too. I never wanted to lose that perspective.
It’s very important to be consistent when raising children. Your partner and you need to be on the same page and back each other up when you’re raising your children. You need to mean what you say and follow through with what you tell them. You need to make sure they do what you’ve asked them to do, and if they don’t do what you’ve asked them to do there are consequences. It’s important to have consequences for their actions. Good consequences for good actions and bad consequences for bad actions.
Be truthful and honest. They have to be able to trust you. It is very important to teach children to be honest and truthful. It is very important in dealing with other people to be able to trust what someone is telling you and for them to be able to trust you, too.
It is important to talk and communicate. Find out what they’re thinking and believe what they tell you. I always tried to sit down for dinner with my children. Their father worked out of town and was rarely home for dinner. I made a point at dinner every night to have each of my five children say what they learned that day. It was usually simple things like, “I learned it’s suppose to snow tomorrow” or that “I learned we have a neighbor named Sally” and “I know where she lives,” or that “my bike has a flat tire.” These topics would lead to lots of good discussions. It was great. We didn’t sit in silence at the dinner table. Everyone had a chance to talk and be heard, and we got to learn more about each other and our days.
Play and have fun together. Playing and doing fun things together helps to bring you closer, and you get to know each other better. We never had much money, but we went to the lake and went on lots of hikes, backpacking, camping and cross country skiing trips together. It’s important to expose your children to the outdoors so that they learn to appreciate nature and not be afraid of it.
The sooner children learn that the world doesn’t revolve them around, the better. It’s sometimes hard to tell your child, no, and to not give them everything they want. But life is full of challenges and they don’t always get what they want . The sooner they learn that, the easier and better it is for them. We used to sing “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need” by the Rolling Stones to our children. They hate it to this day, but the sentiment is so true!
It’s important to teach your children to have compassion for others. One of the important rules of life and to teach your child is to care about other people and to do onto others as you would want them to do to you. It is a great rule of life to live by.
I also feel it is important to give your children as much freedom as they can handle when they get older. It is important to let them go out and explore and experience life while they still live at home. This way, you are there to pick up the pieces when things go amiss and they hopefully become more mature with time and experience.
I don’t have all of the answers when it comes to raising children. These are just some of the ideas/ideals I strived for when I raised my children. I know I wasn’t always successful and I’ve made a lot of mistakes, but I’m very proud of my five children. They are all friends with each other and happy, caring, productive members of society. So, I think Brian and I did something right!
Mary Lou
Something I learned early on as a parent was to treat your children as fellow human beings. You are the older and, hopefully, wiser person. Most importantly, you are responsible for the care of these individuals, and you are to help guide them toward a happy and productive life. It is important to remember that you are a guide, not a ruler. It is much harder to guide your children to find the right answers than it is to just tell them what to do. However, your children want to and must learn things for themselves, so you need to be there to help them make the right decisions or to help them learn from their mistakes when they make a bad decision. I try to follow this philosophy to this day; however, I am an evolving process, myself!
I think the basic tenants I have tried to teach is to be responsible for your actions, be honest, and to be kind to others. I tried to teach and display the Golden Rule of “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” If used as a tool, the Golden Rule can put you in touch with your inner voice of truth. You always know what is right and what is not right. There is a feeling in your being that doesn’t feel right when you are about to do something selfish. I’ve tried to teach my children that it is important to listen to that voice and to be true to yourself. If you go against this voice and you try to hide it, the truth will eventually reveal itself. It is best to own up to mistakes or acts of selfishness and be responsible for what you have done. I’ve tried to model this behavior as well as hold it as a standard for their behavior.
I think there are also some basic tenants of parenting that are important to follow. One of the most important things is for both parents to be on the same page and to back up each other. An important question to ask a child when they are asking for permission to do something is, “Have you asked your mother (father) this? What did she (he) say?” You can learn a lot by just asking questions. It is also OK to say, “Let me talk with your mom (dad) before I answer you.” It is also important to do as you say. Never make an idle threat. If you threaten a certain consequence, be prepared to back it up, even if it is inconvenient to you. Also, if you are insisting on a certain behavior, make sure it isn’t a behavior that you often display. It is important to be fair and honest in dealing with your children. If you expect your children to be fair and honest with you, you must be fair and honest with them.
I also feel it is important that our children realize that they are not the center of the universe. We want to always be there to protect our children from the stark realities of this world, but this is an impossible task. We cannot nor should not always be there when needed. What we must do is prepare our children to be a productive and positive force in this chaotic world. They must learn how to adapt to this world so they can maneuver and be successful it it. They will only live a life of disappointment if they think the world owes them something.
Another important task of a parent is to keep the wonder of life alive. I feel our children have a deep abiding love and respect for nature, but I feel I could have done a better job of giving them a firmer connection to God. My own connection with God is very personal. I’ve taught more by example than by thought-out teachings. My personal view on God and religion is not part of any known-to-me religion. In fact, I don’t really believe an organized religion is the best way for me to have contact with God. My belief is that God is internal. Our quest is to find that “God voice” within us, and to use it as a guide in our lives. However, I feel I haven’t communicated this important aspect of life to my children. I’ve always been there to help them answer any questions they may have in this regard, but few questions have come my way. Maybe they have it all figured out, and I need to ask them about it.
In my life, I have learned the most from teaching others. This is especially true when it comes to raising our children. As I try to guide my children through life, I am actually guiding myself by trying to be a good example. Especially as I get older, I become aware that my children are, at least subconsciously, watching me as I move through life. As I decide how to handle certain situations, I take into account the example I am setting for my children. I am proud of our children, and I think we did a pretty good job of raising them. We definitely made mistakes and weren’t perfect, but the end result is hard to deny.
Brian
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