by Donna Swagerty Shreve
The two young women met one summer in 1937 working as waitresses at Hoberg’s resort in Lake County, California. Melva and Andrea were from very different backgrounds but they found common ground and remained good friends until Andrea’s early death in 1964.
Melva attended eleven different elementary classrooms and never had a real chance to make any real friend that lasted. She lived behind a succession of lunch counters with her brother and father. She was embarrassed to invite any friend over to her makeshift home so she had her brother as her best friend and became very independent.
Andrea was the second of four sisters. Her oldest sister died in childhood of lockjaw and I was told the sad story every time I had to have a tetanus vaccine. Andrea lived on the family compound during the war with her parents and two other sisters. Each daughter had her own home for their families. The property had a stable with several horses and many near-by trails to ride. The swimming pool with changing rooms was quite a set-up with its featured water slide. Why Andrea needed a job that year, I do not know as I was not privy to her financial circumstances.
The two girls became fast friends and stayed in touch over the years. Between the two of them, they decided that one had the perfect child, Andrea’s first child and the other one had the perfect husband, my father. Mom was still trying to start her family.
During World War II, my mother lived with her friend Andrea. Melva’s husband was on an aircraft carrier in the Pacific. Mom was determined not to become a burden to this friend. By reading some of my parent’s letters from the war era, I received an insight into my mother’s insecurities. By being raised by a secession of 16 different housekeepers, she never had to cook, clean or learn any of the usual skills a woman of her day was expected to accomplish.
Living on the Sheveland ranch, Melva learned how to garden, how to preserve vegetables and fruits and how to create basic meals. Mom recalls having one very valuable asset which was her ration book. As a wife of an officer, she could get a weekly ration of meat at the commissary.
As a child I remember visiting the Sheveland ranch as Melva and Andrea caught up on their lives. We had a meal or two with the extended family. I was amazed at the dynamics of the three sisters and their wild and wooly families. Some of the kids my age did things that I was convinced would have gotten me severely punished. It reminded me that not all families are the same.
During my freshman year in 1964 at the University of the Pacific, my mother called me to ask a favor. Her dear friend Andrea had just called her with tragic news. Andrea had just been diagnosed with terminal cancer. Andrea told my mother that she did not have a strong faith but she did have good friends. Could she ask my mother to come visit so she could say goodbye. Mom called me to ask if I would please drive with her once a week on Sundays for as long as we could. Sunday was the only day I had free. Of course, I consented.
That first Sunday March 9, Mom picked me up at my dormitory at an early morning time with donuts. I had been thinking for several days why she had asked me to go with her. I also tried to think of ways I could be the best help to her. I was at an age where I was trying to assert my independence. I did not consider that my mother just needed me to be beside her as she faced losing her friend.
Saving up mundane events from my previous week, I would be able to share if the ride needed conversation. On that first trip, the two hour ride was rather quiet. Neither of us felt like small talk. Mom was distracted and deep in thought.
When we arrived, Andrea was sitting in a chair and happy to see us. I sat quietly and listened to the two friends catch up. Andrea shared that she had set up her husband with a friend hoping they could get together after she died. I was shocked at such an open response to her upcoming demise. Mom’s reaction was a quiet laugh and I realized Andrea had always been open with her opinions to Mom. Andrea had been Melva’s sole attendant at her wedding. Mom had carefully raised me to sit quietly and that training came in handy. During the ride home, Mom shared some memories she had with Andrea over the years. Andrea was more of a wild child who loosened Melva up a bit. Andrea was privy to Mom’s estranged relationship with her own father and Mom’s endearing love story with my father.
The second Sunday, March 16, was harder as there was a noticeable decline in Andrea’s condition. This time she was bed ridden and Mom went into her bedroom alone. I waited in another room until Mom was ready to leave. The visit was not as long this time as Andrea tired very quickly. The trip home was filled with me motor mouthing on and on about my activities at college. If nothing else, I served as a distraction as we drove back to our normal activities.
The third visit, March 23, was the most difficult. Again Mom visited alone in Andrea’s bedroom. This final visit was Melva chatting a bit but mostly she spent her time sitting along side Andrea’s bed and holding Andrea’s hand. Mom told her she was going to leave and Mom felt Andrea squeeze her hand as she said her last goodbye
Andrea did not live to what would have been our fourth Sunday as she died March 28. Her memorial service was held on a Thursday on April 2. As a footnote to this story, my mother reached out to Andrea’s second husband and invited Andrea’s second daughter Nevin to live with Mom’s family for most of the summer of 1964. Our family was quite active during the summer and Nevin joined right in. Mom helped Nevin get distracted for a summer after her mother’s death. Years later, Andrea’s oldest daughter and I met at a midway lunch spot between our homes and got reacquainted and shared memories of our mothers’ friendship. We shared stories from our own mothers’ perspective and we probably both got insight into our mothers long lasting friendship. It was fascinating to see what direction we each took with our lives and what we remembered about a shared experience. I believe Andrea would have been pleased to know her daughters survived and created loving families of their own. I would like to imagine Andrea and Melva chatting once again and looking back over their lives and families.
1183 words
D. Shreve
4/15/2020
Swagerty-Aldrich Family Web Site 