Something I learned early on as a parent was to treat your children as fellow human beings. You are the older and, hopefully, wiser person. Most importantly, you are responsible for the care of these individuals, and you are to help guide them toward a happy and productive life. It is important to remember that you are a guide, not a ruler. It is much harder to guide your children to find the right answers than it is to just tell them what to do. However, your children want to and must learn things for themselves, so you need to be there to help them make the right decisions or to help them learn from their mistakes when they make a bad decision. I try to follow this philosophy to this day; however, I am an evolving process, myself!
I think the basic tenants I have tried to teach is to be responsible for your actions, be honest, and to be kind to others. I tried to teach and display the Golden Rule of “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” If used as a tool, the Golden Rule can put you in touch with your inner voice of truth. You always know what is right and what is not right. There is a feeling in your being that doesn’t feel right when you are about to do something selfish. I’ve tried to teach my children that it is important to listen to that voice and to be true to yourself. If you go against this voice and you try to hide it, the truth will eventually reveal itself. It is best to own up to mistakes or acts of selfishness and be responsible for what you have done. I’ve tried to model this behavior as well as hold it as a standard for their behavior.
I think there are also some basic tenants of parenting that are important to follow. One of the most important things is for both parents to be on the same page and to back up each other. An important question to ask a child when they are asking for permission to do something is, “Have you asked your mother (father) this? What did she (he) say?” You can learn a lot by just asking questions. It is also OK to say, “Let me talk with your mom (dad) before I answer you.” It is also important to do as you say. Never make an idle threat. If you threaten a certain consequence, be prepared to back it up, even if it is inconvenient to you. Also, if you are insisting on a certain behavior, make sure it isn’t a behavior that you often display. It is important to be fair and honest in dealing with your children. If you expect your children to be fair and honest with you, you must be fair and honest with them.
I also feel it is important that our children realize that they are not the center of the universe. We want to always be there to protect our children from the stark realities of this world, but this is an impossible task. We cannot nor should not always be there when needed. What we must do is prepare our children to be a productive and positive force in this chaotic world. They must learn how to adapt to this world so they can maneuver and be successful it it. They will only live a life of disappointment if they think the world owes them something.
Another important task of a parent is to keep the wonder of life alive. I feel our children have a deep abiding love and respect for nature, but I feel I could have done a better job of giving them a firmer connection to God. My own connection with God is very personal. I’ve taught more by example than by thought-out teachings. My personal view on God and religion is not part of any known-to-me religion. In fact, I don’t really believe an organized religion is the best way for me to have contact with God. My belief is that God is internal. Our quest is to find that “God voice” within us, and to use it as a guide in our lives. However, I feel I haven’t communicated this important aspect of life to my children. I’ve always been there to help them answer any questions they may have in this regard, but few questions have come my way. Maybe they have it all figured out, and I need to ask them about it.
In my life, I have learned the most from teaching others. This is especially true when it comes to raising our children. As I try to guide my children through life, I am actually guiding myself by trying to be a good example. Especially as I get older, I become aware that my children are, at least subconsciously, watching me as I move through life. As I decide how to handle certain situations, I take into account the example I am setting for my children. I am proud of our children, and I think we did a pretty good job of raising them. We definitely made mistakes and weren’t perfect, but the end result is hard to deny.
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