by Donna Swagerty Shreve
The year was 1968. John and I had been married one year but only had been together 6 months as I stayed in California to finish my teaching credential and John went ahead to Connecticut to fill a rare opening in the Coast Guard Band. I joined him when I had completed my credential. Our first home was an apartment in New London, Connecticut with the address of Nob Hill. That was amusing to us because we knew the San Francisco version and this was definitely the opposite in status.
My first task was to find a job with my new teaching credential. After several interviews I was able to land a job in the neighboring town of Niantic. I now had the summer ahead of me with little to do. Our apartment was sparely furnished with left overs from family and friends. Our bedroom night stands were painted apple crate boxes. However, we had fine china plates and a complete silver service and crystal glasses.
I attended John’s series of concerts the Coast Guard performed through out the summer. Many of the band members were married and the wives had formed their various groups and sat together. I was the outsider and was being scrutinized. I usually sat by myself as I was not interested in joining any of their cliques.
Soon the rumors were flying and got back to John. I was a snob and was trying to be the “queen of the band.” Wow, that would have been the last thing I wanted if I even thought it was a thing. I had found a friend in the apartment complex and we explored the area each week to discover new points of interest. I attended the band concerts to support John. I had met John in the college concert band at university so we could talk music with each other and I gave feedback on the concert program.
Meanwhile in the band John was feeling jabs from a certain band member who took every opportunity to put him down. It turned out his wife was the one who was pushing rumors about me. We had acquired enemies by just showing up. There must be a solution because it was becoming an irritant to both of us.
One evening as John and I were discussing our day, one of us jokingly suggested we invite the offending couple over for dinner. We both laughed at first and then got serious. Would they even accept our offer? One way to find out.
The invitation was sent and they accepted. I covered our hand-me-down dining room table with a lace table cloth we received as a wedding present. The table was set with our fine china, crystal and fine silver. I also put a silver wine cooler out to keep the wine cold. I then got out my best recipes and cooked one of my better dinners.
Al and Bonnie arrived fashionably ten minutes late and were greeted with a choice of wine plus a small appetizer. It was obvious to us they had all ready fortified themselves to be able to endure whatever was in store. The four of us were all college graduates and had interest in music. It turned out we had other things in common and conversation flowed. During dinner Al spilled his red wine on our lace table cloth. The stain is now faint but still evident. They stayed long enough to be acceptable and then left.
What amazed us was the fall out. There wasn’t anything we expected. The rumors stopped yet I still sat mostly by myself. Al now considered John a friend. If they reciprocated our dinner invite, I don’t remember and our time in the band was only four years which passed quickly. Neither John or Al were “lifers” which half of the band was. With my new teaching job, we quickly found new friends and John had made friends with some band members. Al’s time in the band was up before John and they left town. We exchanged Christmas cards and we learned that Al and Bonnie had a daughter, divorced and went their separate ways. Years later Al visited us in California but I save that for a future story.
As we journey through life, we learn things by experiencing them. We chose to do something quite unexpected with Al and Bonnie partly as a joke between us and it neutralized their attacks. Who knew? We have not done such a drastic reaction to harassment since but it made for quite an interesting evening all of those years ago.
776 words
7/8/2026
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