After recently having our only grandchild solo at our home over a long weekend, I looked back at our family history of discipline used when child rearing. The first generation I have any knowledge of was of my father’s parents. There were stories told over the years that revealed techniques used to guide the next generation.
My grandfather Elmer was the third surviving child of nine. He was born in 1890 and was raised by strict parents of his time. Elmer told a tale of how he and his younger brother, of less than two years, would get into all sorts of trouble. One such incident involved Elmer and Wilbur being horrible bullies to a neighbor who happened to be Russian, making him different. The two brothers ganged up and beat up the poor immigrant rather badly. The Russian mother paid a visit to Elmer and Wilbur’s mother, Emma, and explained that usually she let her son to fight his own battles but this incident was done unfairly and she felt Emma, the mother of the bullies, should be made aware of the situation. Elmer and Wilbur came in from chores and found their mother quite calm and nothing seemed out of order. Both boys had worried they might be told on. After dinner Emma asked Elmer and Wilbur to carry up hot water for their bath and to get undressed while she brought up some more water. They quickly complied and waited for their mother to arrive with the cold water to set the temperature appropriate for a bath. She arrived with a switch in her hand instead. They realized she meant business and she was not allowing for any explanation from them. They were switched in turn and then allowed to take a bath.
Grandmother Pearl was the second child of five surviving children. There were four girls and usually the girls took turns cleaning the rags the women in the house used for their monthly periods. There was a huge cast iron pot in the backyard that had a fire pit underneath it. The chore was divided up but if any girl needed punishment, she got an extra duty. Pearl, my grandmother, received this extra duty quite a few times though it didn’t seem to slow down her rebellions. The sisters were restricted but I don’t believe got a switching. Grandma was caught climbing out of her bedroom from the second story to go dancing with Elmer, who became her future husband. Her punishment was what we call being grounded today. She was caught because her older sister, Lulu told on her. I am guessing Lulu’s turn for stirring the pot was coming up and this way her turn was delayed for awhile.
Elmer and Pearl’s son, Floyd was the middle child of five surviving children. There were four boys in this family. I don’t think this punishment applied to the oldest as she was a girl. Elmer would line up the four boys or single out just one and they would receive a good beating with his belt. He would start striking while the boys ran around in a circle with Elmer hanging on with one hand and hitting with the belt with the other. The fourth child, Darrell had had scarlet fever as a young child. He was weaker than the other brothers. Sometimes, the mother, Pearl, would come out and rescue Darrell as she was certain he could not take it. I heard Darrell teased by his brothers long into their adulthood about being rescued by his mother. Jack, the youngest, said he learn to yell real loud and usually got off easy because Elmer, the father, was so tired at that point that Jack’s screaming convinced him he had done his job of punishing his boys.
My mother was raised by a single father and a succession of 16 different live-in housekeepers. She learned to talk her father into being very lenient to her. Her younger brother Ronnie got a more traditional punishment from his father. Mother went so far as to get a few housekeepers fired because she found some of their attempts at punishing her not to her liking.
Next generation came down to the four of us. I was the oldest and my parents learned with me. As the next three children came along, my parents wore out a bit. We were all three years apart so there was a nine year gap between a compliant me to my rebellious younger brother. My closest-in- age brother and I were amazed when the younger two siblings pulled stunts that we were convinced would have been lethal if we had tried them.
The typical procedure would be if one of us really upset our mother, she would send us to our room to wait for our father to come home. This was for some infraction that a simple few swats with a yardstick from mother would not suffice. We had to wait in our room and then have to listen to our mother tell our faults to our father. I remember it always seemed so unfair because I was sure I could refute her claims. I then could hear my father walk down the long hall to my room. He was a large man and those steps sounded so loud. He would then come into the room and ask me to tell what happened. He was quite good at getting confessions. Mother’s exaggerations started to fade away. Usually at this point I would be sobbing and saying I was sorry. That was when I was put over his knee and received a spanking from his huge hand. By the time he was done, I was a mess and then needed time to recover emotionally and physically. Dinner was then a rather quiet affair with none of my siblings daring to do any thing wrong. At a certain point the spankings stopped and different methods were used on the younger two, which of course, my brother and I thought was most unfair. Only after having children of my own did I understand the concept of wearing out and adjusting child rearing techniques.
The next generation was my two boys. I did most of the child rearing as my husband had nighttime hours and I spent most of the time with my sons. I tried to be very realistic about what I promised as a consequence if either of my sons made a bad choice. I had to be sure I could follow through with what ever was promised. I will admit I made a few promises I am so relieved I didn’t have to follow though with as I would have been hard pressed to do so. I adapted what I thought worked with me as a child and tried to avoid those methods I could not agree with. My boys would get a few swats with a wooden cooking spoon. Three swats would get the point across. They would feel a sting, I had released my anger and the spoon was usually broken. I carried a wooden spoon with me when I took them out and about. If they started up some kind of a disturbance, I would finger the end of the handle sticking up from my purse and that was usually all it took. Would I have applied the usual wooden spoon routine in public? I am not sure but the boys were convinced I would. The wooden spoon lost it effect as they grew older and the grounding and taking away privileges followed. My boys had a disadvantage as I had taught school seven years before I had them and I had learned a few tricks in classroom management over the years.
Now we get to my grandson. Misha had to learn about Grandpa and Grandma’s rules. The new generation does not believe in any corporal punishment so that limited some options. Misha is also allowed to negotiate and try to talk his way out of decisions at his home. New rules were learned this last weekend. How well they apply next time we have him, will be interesting. If nothing else the weekend got me thinking about how families treat their children and how child rearing ideas have changed over the years.
Swagerty-Aldrich Family Web Site 