Girls’ Night Out

by Donna Swagerty Shreve

Girls’ Night Out

Cristy recently made a big life change when her husband died. She sold her home where she spent her married life and raised her boys. She moved to a new town into an adult community. Three months ago I saw an advertisement for an upcoming concert for Weird Al Yankovic at the event center at Sonoma State. I decided Cristy could use an excuse to get out and about and I ordered two tickets for us. Back in April when I bought the tickets, I thought she would be all settled in and ready for an adventure. With the selling of the house and then an estate sale, she has only been in her new habitat for a week and a half.

I was curious what her new surroundings would be as one of my sons lives in the same town. I have heard reports from other friends who have checked out senior living and have my own experience when my mother was in one. So I went as an investigator reporter. I went to the front desk and checked in. I was given a guest pass and I told who I was visiting. In the process I gave them my cell phone number.

Cristy mentioned wanting to meet my son and his family, so I set up a dinner date at a local restaurant before the concert. Now I could visit with both Cristy and my oldest son and family. I arrived at Cristy’s new place mid afternoon. We caught up on recent events and then decided to go to happy hour before our dinner date and concert. Cristy guided us to the dining room which was almost full at 4:30. There was no sign of any happy hour but full fledge dinner in progress. I was able to view the menu and realize what I was missing. No thank you.We then searched for the elusive happy hour location.

The main lounge was empty so Cristy decided it was time to ask at the front desk. I remained in the lounge and took a seat in the middle of a row of three seats facing a fireplace. There were passing residents in the hall beyond the lounge area and many were very friendly and greeted me. One gentleman decided I was fair game and sauntered right in and sat right beside me. Realize it is a large room and there are plenty of choices. I was fresh meat and he came to investigate. He sat down and asked if I was new to the place. No, I was visiting my friend. Who was my friend? Where is her room? Where do I live? Then I heard his story. He had some aliment that sent him to the hospital for seven days. During the seven days, his daughter set up entry into this adult living facility. By the time he had his hospital stay and a bit of rehab was done, it was all arranged and he was not going to return to his home. She also sold his car. He told me he was terribly bored here as the offerings were basically for women. He was not interested in flower arranging or bingo. The ratio of men to women was about 20/80 but I was doing a very unofficial survey.Unfortunately after viewing the activities for the week, I had to agree with him.

About this time Cristy returned with the news that happy hour had started at 3:30 and we had missed it. My new friend Mister Ed said Wednesday was the best day because that was the one day they served whiskey. The other days it was wine or beer. We had just missed out. Mister Ed then left for greener pastures and Cristy and I headed to the local restaurant. Aaron was caught in traffic coming home from work so he had us pick up Rita and Michael and he met us at the restaurant. 

Aaron arrived before us and snagged a big corner table for the five of us. Dinner was delicious but they were a bit slow in serving as they were crowded. I started to worry about being late to our 7:30 concert. When I asked Aaron for the best directions, he said to get to a certain main street and then just follow the line of cars. He was right. The parking attendant said the line of cars lined up outside of the campus was solid for one and a half hours. Cristy has a blue handicap placard and we were able to park right near the venue. We were, however, late and missed part of the opening act that started on time. It must have been a sell out judging on the size of the crowd which spread out from the building into a vast lawn area.

Weird Al came on at 8:20 and went solid until 10:38. He put on quite a show and we were certainly entertained. We sat for awhile after the concert to let the crowd thin out. After what seemed like a very long time, we started to venture out to the car. Because of the huge crowd, there were parking attendants directing traffic. We had no choice in what we direction we left. We were leaving from the opposite way we had come in. It is quite dark on campus and I am not familiar with the campus layout. I thought I was doing the smart thing by following the car in front of me until that car went to a parking lot. Finally I found an exit and put in the address for Cristy’s place in my GPS. After a few directions, it told me I had arrived at my destination. Wrong. I then put in Aaron’s address as I felt I could get back from there. 

Somehow I missed the main road I needed and headed in the wrong direction. After wandering down a unfamiliar road, I turned around and headed back in the correct direction. Meanwhile my car receives several texts from my husband John who has been tracking me on FindMyPhone. He was freaking out by my route that he was able to track and was convinced I needed help. Cristy and I finally arrived at her home and the front door was locked. She remembered that there are only a few back and side doors that are available with your room key. We found one and made it back safe and sound. It reminded us of college dorm life. I guess in many ways living in an adult community is similar to dorm life.

The next morning we both slept in a bit as we had had a late night. I had packed and was ready to leave whenever it seemed right. We chatted for a bit as we remembered the highlights from our night before. Cristy quickly got dressed so we would not miss breakfast which is served from 7:00 to 9:00. Breakfast had several choices and was served to us by a very friendly waiter. There were a variety of cloth covered tables for different sized groups. As we were arriving close to 9:00, the room had just a few occupants compared to the crowd at last night’s dinner.  I will state that breakfast was well done and we decided not to linger as they were cleaning up the room for the next activity. 

Back in the room as we continued our conversations, a loud continuous bell rang in the hallway. I ignored for a bit and then asked Cristy if that might be a fire drill. The bell was ringing at a frequency that she was not aware of it. I opened her front door and looked up and down the hall but saw no one. However, now Cristy could hear the bell and did not know what it meant. No one seemed very concerned so we ignored it until it stopped which took a few minutes.

As it was mid morning by now, I decided I should get going on my two hour return trip. I rolled my suitcase as Cristy rolled her walker down to the front desk area. Cristy had to present medical papers for her dog to the staff and so she walked me to my car. As we headed to the main level for the dining room and administrative offices, we passed several residents sitting out in the pleasant weather. There are lovely grounds and an attractive pool and hot tub.

Again people were friendly and many greetings were given. One of the people we passed was my new friend Mister Ed. He wanted to know where was our dog. We explained that we had not brought the dog. He argued that he had just seen us with a dog. We politely disagreed. What had seemed like a very together 92 year old last night came across as rather confused. Down the path we saw a woman with a dog and wondered if that was who he saw though neither of us could see any similarities between us and the lady and dog in question.

Another item of notice was a text I received that morning from the company that runs the home. How did I enjoy my visit? Did I want more information about being a future resident? How would I rate my visit on the following categories? I was still stunned from the experience of being embedded among them and ignored their inquiries. Cristy is determined to make this big move work. She has found a few women she feels she can have conversations with that are deeper than the usual pleasantries. She has a lovely view from her rooms and balcony. Her living space is spacious and very comfortable. She still drives and can leave the campus as she desires. We noticed an advertisement for OLLI which is held at near by Sonoma State. She was very interested and is going to look into their various classes via zoom or in person and registration does not end until mid September. Cristy was smart to find a place where she is not committed to a huge investment. She can leave if she decides she has found something that works better for her. I also did some research and found her complex best rated among adult living facilities in Sonoma county.

Putting myself in  Cristy’s shoes, I tried to picture how I would adapt to such an environment. For now I am quite content living where I do. Going back to dorm type living from college days would be quite a shock. Yes, you would be among people of a similar age and I could make new friends but until I need assistance, I plan to stay right where I am. 

1815 words,

8/28/2025

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