I think most of the difficulties I’ve had in life I’ve brought on myself. I used to have a terrible aversion to anything to do with medical care for my body. I’m not sure why I was so afraid. Maybe it started when I was in the hospital, when I was eleven months old. The next experience I remember, with my doctor, was when I was 5 years old. My sister, Mardean, and I had our tonsils taken out together at the old hospital in Toledo. I remember being made to breathe the ether before I fell asleep. It was horrible, I hated it. I had terrible, upsetting dreams. After we got home we were both throwing up blood. Our doctor even made a home visit.
I was very afraid of my doctor. It didn’t help that every time I had an appointment, it was always a three hour wait, sitting with my Mom in the waiting room. I’d try and try not to cry but I finally couldn’t hold it in anymore. By the time I got in to see the doctor I was a sobbing mess. My doctor wasn’t very good with children and had no patience for me. Once my mom took me in to have a growth removed from my arm. After at least a three hour wait I was called in by myself. They had knives laid out on the counter in the exam room and the doctor was sharpening them. No one had explained anything to me, except that they were going to take off a growth on my arm. I didn’t know that my arm would be numb and I wouldn’t feel anything. I was sure the doctor was going to slice the growth off of my arm and I’d feel everything. I was terrified and couldn’t stop crying or hold still. Then I found out they were getting ready to give me a shot. I hated shots, I always thought they were so painful. I tried to bite the doctor. The doctor said he couldn’t work on me anymore. I think they had Mom come in and calm me & help hold me down and they finally got the job done. Doctor Gruber refused to see me anymore. Fine by me!
In elementary school, every few years it would be time for a vaccination or two. I was not very brave when it came to shots. I’d start crying the closer the line got to the nurse giving the shots. I hated it. I tried so hard not to cry, it was so embarrassing.
I had a lot of issues with my ears growing up. I had a lot of ear aches. There was a doctor in Salem, a two hour drive from Toledo, who Mom took me to. I hated that long drive and would get more and more nervous as we got closer. We would then have to wait in the waiting room for a while. Once again by the time I got into the doctor I’d be a basket-case. My eardrum ended up bursting and I ended up in the hospital in Salem overnight by myself, except for Teddy and a nice nurse. I was eight years old.
Going to the dentist wasn’t any better. I had to walk up a narrow dark flight of stairs and down a long hallway. You could smell the dentist’s office long before you reached it. It was in downtown Toledo over the local theater, at least there was a good view out of the upstairs windows. I went to him more then once but in the end I tried to bite him too, and he refused to work on me. I must have needed something done because Mom ended up taking me to Salem (two hours away) and the dentist put me to sleep to work on my teeth.
I wasn’t any braver when it came to hurting myself and needing to be cleaned up. I was so afraid of pain, I’d scream and cry and try not to let anyone touch me. My poor Mom!
I think overcoming my medical aversion had mostly to do with growing up and realizing I wasn’t doing myself any favors by acting the way I was and to stop being afraid. It really helped when I became pregnant, got used to visiting the doctor a lot, took LaMaze classes, and learned to relax . Learning to relax through pain makes a huge difference. I barely felt the last shot I had! Giving birth naturally helped too. I learned I could withstand a lot of pain.
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