by Donna Swagerty Shreve
We were all set and just were waiting for Kilburn to enter the makeshift library, temporarily housed in a trailer on the Elkhorn campus. We were all elementary school teachers helping Kilburn celebrate his 50th birthday in 1976. All of us had contributed to the party. One of the library tables was covered by a lace tablecloth. Set on the table was a candelabra with three lit candles, a silver champagne holder that contained a 2 liter bottle of 7-up, cloth napkins and a boom box playing classical music. Kilburn did arrive and truly appreciated our efforts. There must have been cake but I can not remember that detail. One of the humous incidents at the party was Kilburn relating what he did on his 50th birthday while at home. He was looking at himself in the mirror and was shocked that an old man was looking back at him. He argued with the mirror image saying that he was not that person. To prove his point, Kilburn then stood up and demonstrated proof he was not that man in the mirror. He jumped up in the limited trailer and clicked his heels.
A few years later one of our teachers at that party started her long battle with cancer at the young age of her late twenties. Several of us knew Bonnie well enough to realize she would not be giving us her health updates unless we set up some venue where we could keep track of Bonnie and monitor her and watch carefully. I happened to share this monthly event with a principal that we all liked and had worked for at several school sites. He surprised me by asking if he could join us. We now had five members. After a few months, Duane announced to us that he was inviting a surprise guest to our next dinner. We had mixed reactions among us and tried to guess who that mystery guest could be. Duane had recently divorced and was back in the dating game. Some of us speculated that he was bringing his current girl friend.
The next dinner arrived and Duane walked into the restaurant with Kilburn Doe. We were thrilled as we had all taught with Kilburn at some time and all enjoyed him. We now had a group of six. The two oldest, Kilburn and Phylicia, were 5 years older than Duane. The next in line was Foyann, who was 10 years younger than Kilburn and Phylicia and 5 years younger than Duane. I was next at 10 years younger than Foyann. Bonnie was the youngest at 4 years younger than I was. Our group continued for several years and at some point we realized a monthly lunch would suit us better than driving somewhere at night.
Phylicia was the first to leave our group. She moved to Morgan Hill to be closer to her children. For a few years we would drive her way and have lunch with her and catch up. As the years continued, we got word that Phylicia had passed on. Now we were officially only five. We met for lunch and Duane was not always able to join us. He never was really open why until there was no more avoiding that something was wrong. After several bouts of cancer, Duane ended up with ALS. He refused to linger into the inevitable total helpless and lingering. He had stopped eating.
One of his daughters called and told us he had now caught pneumonia and did not have much longer. She was inviting us to visit and say good-bye. We were given one half an hour before that next person had their time. It was a very difficult thing to do but very brave of him. At his service, we walked out at the end to Frank Sinatra singing, “I Did It My Way.”
We now were four. What was so ironic was the beginning of this group was to keep track of our concern for Bonnie. She had out lasted two of us. Bonnie had had severe health issues for over forty years and finally her body could fight no longer. Foyann and I went to hospital and said our goodbyes to her.
Presently Kilburn is 95, Foyann is 85 and I am 75. Foyann and I have been getting together for lunch on a regular basis before the pandemic. We lost track of Kilburn. I had called him with Bonnie updates but that had ended. Recently Foyann saw Kilburn’s son working on her lawn. She went out to chat and ask about Kilburn. I then received a very rare phone call from Foyann. She is legally blind and making calls takes an extra effort. She wanted to inform me that Kilburn was still alive! We decided we needed to have another lunch gathering. Kilburn does not drive any more so we decided to take lunch to him.
After several phone calls with Kilburn’s daughter, we had a date and time for our get together. Foyann reminded me of our celebration some 45 years ago and we decided to try to recreate as best as we could. Foyann had a fancy candle holder and candles. I no longer owned my silver champagne holder so I brought a stainless steel ice bucket with a large bottle of 7 up. Kilburn’s daughter told me she would have a lace table cloth on the table. I got a birthday balloon and some wonderful fancy cupcakes from a new bakery. Flowers were purchased to add to the festivities.
The last item was lunch itself. Forty-five years ago the nearest fast food restaurant to our school was McDonald’s so we had to go there for the lunch. It was a challenge to decide what to order for possibly five diners without any knowledge of their food preferences. It turned out Kilburn’s daughter had a food allergy that prevented her from eating any part of the lunch. Kilburn’s wife chose not to join us so three of us got our choice of the five different offerings.
We arrived at noon and did not leave until almost 2:30. There was so much to catch up on. We also had forty plus years to remember. I had the daughter take our picture. I realized that over the years we had few pictures of any of us together. Possibly we were more in the moment at the time and could not be distracted by taking pictures. One of the benefits of becoming older is being able to reconnect with long lost friends and remember the extensive list of shared memories.
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