Three Girls, Three Choices

by Donna Swagerty Shreve

Three Girls, Three Choices

The three of us grew up together coming in and out of each other’s lives. Laurie and I met in fourth grade at Village Oaks School. We became inseparable friends up to eighth grade. Laurie moved during eighth grade into town. Her family now resided in her grandparents’ home. The move entailed attending a new school district with different schools and new friends.

Our mothers had different ideas of how to raise a family and had quite a contrast in their backgrounds. We went our separate ways throughout high school with little interaction. After Laurie’s senior year, she became pregnant with her first serious boyfriend. I was unaware Laurie was dating let alone being sexually active. Laurie had confided in her mother that she was having sex and that she really enjoyed it.

Her mother, Germaine, quickly took her to the family doctor to get birth control. Several doctors refused to help because Laurie was not yet 18. Then when Laurie realized she was pregnant, Germaine quickly started planning Laurie’s wedding. I vividly remember sitting at our kitchen table, the three of us. Mom and I listened while Germaine tried to tell that Laurie was getting married soon in Sonora and Laurie was not pregnant. My first question to myself was why wasn’t Laurie with her?

Mom and I looked at each other after Germaine left. Why was she so adamant about Laurie not being pregnant? It seemed obvious to both of us that she most probably was pregnant. Soon after the wedding, Laurie and her new husband moved to Colorado.

I again lost track of her and we did not stay in touch for years. The next time we caught up, I had lived in Connecticut for four years and had just returned to Stockton. Laurie was now attending University of the Pacific getting a degree in psychology. She drove down from Sonora twice a week and attended classes to finish up her college education. I invited her to come over one day a week for a visit and dinner. I was teaching second grade in Escalon that year of 1973.

Laurie now filled in the gaps between her wedding and present day. She and her husband had gone to Colorado to live out her pregnancy. At the birth of their son, arrangements had been made to set the baby up for immediate adoption. There was never any attempt by either the parents not the child to get in touch over all of these years.

Laurie and her husband ended up divorcing during her time at U.O.P. They had grown apart and besides, Laurie came home early one night and caught her husband in bed with her youngest sister. Laurie went on to fall in love with what she called a “ski bum.” He then took her with him to a commune where she disappeared again. I only found her years later by chance. Laurie continued her life with a third husband and never had any more children.

The second girl in this story is Judy. I had met her through Laurie. Judy and her sister spent summers in Stockton with their father and step-mother. The sisters lived just a few blocks from Laurie’s home in Swain Oaks. I lost touch with Judy from eighth grade until our junior year at Lincoln High School. Judy was now living with her father year round as she was having problems living with her mother and step-father in Concord.

We got reacquainted and became fast friends. Before the school year was over, Judy came to me in a panic. She was afraid she could be pregnant. She had a boy friend back in Concord who she visited every two weeks. He had given her the oldest line around. “If you really love me, you will let me have sex with you.”

I arranged for use of the family car using some silly excuse and Judy made an appointment with my family doctor on my recommendation. Her suspicions were correct. She now had to make some hard decisions. When she told her father, his reply was that he was too young to be a grandfather. Various other family members on her father’s side had everything ready for an abortion. Her father knew a guy who knew a guy.

Judy also shared her predicament with her mother and Judy’s boyfriend. The boyfriend was excited as he was ready at age 21 to get married. Judy chose this option and went on to have three daughters in quick succession.

The marriage lasted a bit more than ten years when Judy decided she did not see the future she wanted with this father of her girls. She got a job and moved out. She was now a single mother raising three girls alone. By good fortune, Judy met a wonderful guy who was willing to take on the package deal of a woman and three girls.

Now on to the third girl and her choice. The year was 1967 and John and I were engaged. Hormones over took us and I got pregnant at age 20. John and I were finishing up college and planning for a late summer wedding. I assumed the false name of Mary Callison and made an appointment out of town in Manteca. Mary showed up and was examined and given a pill that would either force her period or confirm her pregnancy. The doctor also told me of an excellent Japanese doctor in Japan who could solve my pregnancy. He also gave me information for adoptions.

John and I discussed all the pros and cons of each possible option. We were going to start our married life balancing finishing up our education and working part time at various jobs to support ourselves. Trying to balance all of this along with a baby sounded impossible. I knew my mother would be horrified and not necessarily supportive. After much discussion, we decided not to have the baby.

We knew we couldn’t afford any trip to Japan and time also made that option highly impractical. I had had an university class that addressed social issues. The professor mentioned to the class he had connections for various services if we ever needed any help.

John was now taking the class Education Psychology that I had taken the year before. We made an appointment with this professor and went in to ask for his help. He was very sympathetic and gave us a phone number of a well respected doctor in Juarez, Mexico. We needed $500 in cash plus the air fare. It would be my first airplane ride.

After scraping up what money we could, we were short $300. Our professor loaned, us the remaining money and held John’s grade as collateral.

Now we needed an excuse to borrow my parents’ car to drive to San Francisco. Being an Army brat, John had met various classmates from all over the world. We pretended one of those friends was in San Francisco for the day and we wanted to make a day of it.

After calling the Mexico number from a phone booth, I received detailed instructions. The date was set and we prepared our day. We did not have enough money for the both of us to fly, so John was staying in San Francisco all day thinking of activities we supposedly did with his friend. John drove my parents’ car into the city and watched a movie. He then spent most of his day in long term parking waiting and worrying.

I boarded the plane and flew to El Paso where, incidentally, John’s parents lived along with his sister and two brothers. As chance would have it, I sat next to someone who recognized me from UOP basketball games. He asked why I was flying to El Paso. I replied that my future mother-in-law was hosting an engagement bridal shower for me. Improv class would have been a fit for me.

As I departed the plane, I headed to the nearest phone booth. I phoned to receive my next instructions. It felt like I was an actor in a spy movie. I had to describe my outfit so my driver in Mexico would recognize me. Then I was to secure my cash somewhere hidden on my body in case someone, like the cab driver, tried to rob me. The person on the phone warned me to be very careful while in the taxi. A previous girl had been robbed and then abandoned in Mexico just a few weeks before. I decided to act cheery and not the frightened girl I really was. I had also been warned to not to be very chatty. My instructions were to be driven to the library near the huge shopping area in Mexico. Wait at the top of the stairs and look for a station wagon. The driver would identify himself with a certain name.

I found a taxi and off we drove across the border to the library I safely arrived at my first destination and waited for Miguel in a station wagon to arrive. A station wagon drove up in about ten long minutes.  I was standing at the top of the stairs leading to the library’s entrance. I watched the vehicle approach me. He rolled down the passenger window and said, “My name is Miguel. Are you Mary?.” I decided using another name would distance me from some of the pain.

I got into the vehicle and off we drove. The driver took a confusing route and I noticed passing the same landmarks. I realized he was trying to protect the clinic’s location but I was convinced years after, I could have driven to the site. We finally drove up to a suburb full of various houses with the usual look of a double car garage, front yard, sidewalks and regular suburban houses. I wonder if the neighbors had any suspicions with all of the traffic on the weekends. We went into the garage with the door closing quickly behind us.

I then followed “Miguel” into a living room that was full of young girls and their men escorts. Few women were alone such as I was. The television was blaring and there were a few Mexicans sitting in the room for security. Some girls were whimpering and I thought it was poor form that recovering patients would be with future patients. It turned out most of those girls were just waiting for their turn.

Finally a woman dressed in scrubs would come in from a hallway and call the next person. The men had to remain in the living room area with the blasting television. The television was in Spanish but at least the security guys could enjoy. Our comfort was not a priority but covering up any screaming was.

Finally after an half an hour, it was my turn. Following the woman in scrubs, I was led to bedroom where four hospital beds were set up. Three of the beds were occupied. Taking the plastic bin that was handed me, I used the bathroom to remove my clothes and valuables and put on the hospital gown. A “nurse” was right there to take my cash. I handed her five one hundred dollar bills and she counted them in front of me. I had stored the money in my garter that was holding up my nylons. I then waited until I was led down the hall into the operation room. This room contained the surgery table equipped with stirrups at one end. Also attached to both ends of this table were ropes that were used to tie down my wrists and ankles that were placed in the stir-ups.

One side of this room had along counter with drawers full of various supplies. The radio on the counter was now turned up even louder than the television. I was aware of a horse race being called in Spanish blasting out from my side. I was given a shot of a relaxing drug and an antibiotic in case of infection. Even with the radio blasting, I heard something slosh into a bucket. Unfortunately I was aware of the entire procedure but never uttered a complaint.

Now untied, I was helped off the table and escorted to a recovery room. On a  bed was my bin with my belongings. During the conclusion of the surgery, the doctor inserted two tampons to block any bleeding. After I was dressed, the nurse came back to the room and asked me if I had a ride back to the airport. I answered I did not and would have to wait a while for Miguel to take me back to the library. The girl in the next bed offered me a ride with her and her boyfriend and her uncle. They had opted to rent a car to cross the border instead of taking a taxi to the library. I chose the girl with the boyfriend and uncle. The nurse questioned my choice to make sure it was what I wanted.

The four of us took off and made it back to the airport safe and sound. I found my gate and settled in to wait the several hours before the plane was scheduled to take off. Nearby was the gate for destination Los Angeles. It became quickly evident to me that many of the girls waiting for both gates had just returned from the same clinic I had. I quickly removed myself and sat at a counter and ordered a tea. 

Soon the stool next to me was occupied by a friendly nun dressed in full habit. She was full of conversation and I spent al least an hour listening to her. I decided it was best to listen and not share my day. When it was finally time to board the plane, I ended up sitting next to the girl and boyfriend who had given me a ride just a few hours before. I had sized up the girl right away as being a drama queen and sure enough, as we were taking off they were both busy complaining about the treatment at the clinic. The boyfriend even flipped off the El Paso airport as we took off.

I looked around and saw another seat farther back in the plane. For my mental health, I decided to change seats and get away from their negative energy. As I got into my new seat, a baby on the plane started crying and continued most of the way back to San Francisco. I couldn’t help wonder how many girls on that plane were being tortured along with me.

When I departed the plane, John was waiting for me with my warm happy coat. I decided that coat was too fancy to take with me. As we descended the escalator, I heard whistling and then someone yelling, “Mary.” My clinic friends were waving good bye.

A very tired and hurting me and much relieved John found our car and headed home. By the time we had gotten to Tracy, I had John stop so I could use the restroom. We found a gas station with a semi-clean bathroom. Pressure was building up and I removed the two tampons. I almost passed out from the searing pain that surged through all of my tired body. Fortunately I had no further complications. 

John and I met with our professor as he wanted a complete report to determine if he would continue his recommendations. We also set up a payment schedule.

Years later we had taken our adult sons to a symphony concert. In a few rows in front of us was that same professor and his wife. At intermission we sought him out and introduced him to our two fine sons. The professor grinned broadly and thanked us for taking the time to share our family with him. 

Three girls made three different choices that made sense to each of them in their circumstances at that time in their lives. Making any one of these three choices is a very difficult one but I so strongly believe a woman needs to make the choice herself. During the time when each of us made our choice, laws were in place to make sure that personal choice was made for us by those laws. However, each of us found a way to make our choices work for us.

2761 words

10/15/2021

Back to Swagerty/Boone Stories

Back to Stories